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A Curious Pastime

You are a young person of the Fir Cruthen, the mightiest (and drunkenest) nation of the Warhost. You've ventured forth to join the Warhost and make a mighty name for yourself. You'll do this by completing an increasingly arbitrary, never ending, serious of inane puzzles; given to you by a colourful cast of characters doing terrible Scottish accents. Will you be able to rise above the status of Background Noob and earn a name for yourself? Unlikely, you'll probably be dead before the weekend's over.